April 24th, 2025

I have been so anxious recently. Grieving a past life is hard, especially as you step more and more into the new one. It is like a tug of war but you know who will win. You know you have to let the new win and the old go.

This is the first time I feel like I have truly felt this too, I know there were moments in my life I had to step into the new. I’m sure I felt emotions in the same category of those I feel now.

But this is more intense. This is intense and new. And it comes with anxiety, stress, and worry. But I cannot let these things win in my head. It is so important during these times to take the best care of yourself. Give these worries no place to survive. Build a climate for good vibes to enter. Because they are already there, help them grow.

But addressing my anxiety is always important to me, I want to always know where it comes from. I have been anxious and worried about those I love, wanting to make sure they are always ok.

More specifically, my mother. It is family, or whoever you consider so, that is everything during times like this. The people who go out of their way to make you feel better, reach out, care, love you, and those you know that will always be there for you.

I have seen real love during this transition in my life, what real love means. I have people so close to me that I thought were ride or dies. Yet, they show up in convenience. Whenever works best for them, that could be even just a text. You begin to notice some people show care or little interest… simple things to maybe satisfy themselves? Because they feel like they have to and feel accomplished by saying anything at all?

It is frustrating, and not something I give attention to, but I think about it everyday.

And then I think about the very very few who show up when it isn’t convenient or even when they can. I feel so blessed to even have at least one person in my life who would do this for me. And I pray for those who do not. But I want those people to know it is not them. You are not the issue, it is our society. Even though I have people in my life like this, it feels like at times I do not. I am with you, I resonate with you.

The person in my life who has shown me unconditional love is my mother. No mother is obligated to do so, you can’t be told you give unconditional love. You have to want to yourself. Once you see what that looks like you realize it is impossible to force, and incredibly rare.

I worry a lot about my mother and I realized that is because she is the person in my life who would do anything for me. She is my saving grace when the water gets too high. She sees me for me and is amazed by me. I am amazed by her. She humbles me and I humble her. I would do anything for her and she would do anything for me. It takes growing up, at least it did for me, to realize this is everything in life.

Surrounding yourself with unconditional love. We all crave this feeling but yet once we get near it we seem to fear it.

Never run from unconditional love. This is something I have learned. Every situation is different, sure toxicity can come into play. But I am talking about real and healthy unconditional love. Nothing is greater and this world needs more of it.

I wish we would all just slow down and focus on this, I think we would all live better. But these are just my thoughts,

This is just my journal.