April 27th, 2025

Waking up with anxiety, something we all try to avoid. So how do you push through a day when you wake up already feeling overwhelmed? I’m not exactly sure, but I write. That’s what helps me, just being able to put my feelings and thoughts on paper so I can observe them from a different perspective.

My anxiety this morning was influenced by social media. I share so many ideas and thoughts on there, I try to motivate and help people. But being vulnerable online is hard, even though some people would think it doesn’t bother me. I do have the urge to share my writings and I do know some people benefit from them. But recently I have been freaking out. I’m doing what everyone else is doing, posting short little life writings, inspirational stuff, to inspire other people. Sure doing this can bring me opportunities to speak to larger groups of people, but I’m honestly sick of it.

I want to reach people in a different way, I want to hit a different piece of their heart. That the internet can’t. I’m so sick of the internet, I’m so sick of it.

I am in my first day to day battle in life, I know this battle will end with something beautiful and that is my everything right now. I know when I’m through with this, I will grasp unconditional love.

I’m grateful God gave me a day to day battle. Now I get what it is like. Obviously people face extreme day to day battles, but in a sense, they all are relatable. And a few things I have been noticing are lessons in learning.

For starters, once again, social media. It fucking SUCKS. I try and have this writing account and post to help people and share and oh my. No no NO. It isn’t helping me. Reading positive quotes over and over and not helping me, they overwhelm me. All of our battles are significantly different and there are so many other places to find motivation than Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. I love Pinterest recently, it feels like the app is not focused on blowing up or going viral. It just provides words you need to hear, and I don’t spend alot of time on it.

It is just driving me absolutely nuts. I have so many things to worry about and then I give myself so many things to scroll through. No wonder my anxiety is through the roof. Let’s be for real, I wish everyone would sit and get into a deep thought about social media, how much is it really helping us. ESPECIALLY when everyone’s journey is so different.

We start to play the copy game. Oh look this person went through what I went through! But this part of their life looks different than mine, so maybe I won’t make it? Our brains literally do this without even realizing! At least mine does.

I’m starting to realize maybe sharing every aspect of the personal life is not how you help people. In fact, as a person who shares alot of their life online, it harms me.

I don’t even know the audience I’m speaking to. I’m just speaking to rant or when things pop into my head. That’s why I want to do more speaking, writing, and sharing off of social media.

Another thing I’ve learned recently is that you literally have to get up in times like this. You have to take time to think about what is good for you and what is bad for you and no matter what get UP and do the good. I realized that I always work out, and these past few weeks I barely have. THIS could be a huge cause of my anxiety. No matter what, I need to get up and go do this. Especially because I love it! We cannot get out of routine or daily activities that make us happy just because we are anxious. We have to get UP.

Literally just combining these things, getting up and getting off social media already make me feel better just typing out. Getting up and having time to color a picture instead of trying to make a post that will blow people away sounds like it will help me. We can’t forget to live our own lives even when trying to help others.

People think I am strong and I have my head straight on 24/7. Which I am strong, we all are, but oh my do I need help too. Oh my do I breakdown. I am human. And I think sometimes social media and all that shit can make it seem like we are not human.

NEVER sacrifice your own peace and your own happiness.

But hey, this is just my journal.