August 11th, 2025

I took a break for a while. I kind of just let myself live for a second. Sure, I would say I am always invested in my life. But this time it was more selfish. I deleted all my social media, stopped posting my writings, and I really didn’t reach out much to anyone. A lot is going on in my life and I started to realize consumption was bringing me negativity. Consuming the life I used to live from the lens of my friends social media accounts was not benefiting me. Yet at the same time, I would feel betrayed because those same friends did not seem concerned about what I was going through. I feel ugly comparing myself to others because I had to be so invested in my emotional and mental wellbeing I didn’t have alot of energy to give to my physical. I was even comparing my own situation to others’ I was reading on social media. Social media and what I was consuming from it was just anything but good for me. I didn’t need to see that shit because I didn’t was to feel like shit.

I stopped posting my writings for a few reasons. First of all, there was so much going on I almost had too much to write about. Sounds stupid but that’s how I felt. Overloaded. And with me feeling overloaded with life the last thing I wanted to do was feel overloaded with something that is supposed to help me. So for the time being, it wasn’t serving its purpose therefore I took a break from writing. But I do write for more than one purpose. I also write to help others, I share my feelings to comfort someone who may feel similar ones. And you know when people say that you have to help yourself before you can help others. Well ya, that’s true. I had to help myself before I could find the energy to help someone else. So I took a break from posting my writings.

I also stopped reaching out to people. As I was transitioning into a new phase of life I kind of wanted to see what friendships would transition with me. Those who know how this goes, ohhh they know. This one is tuff because for a while I felt like even though I was the one going through such a hard and rough time, I was the one reaching out the most. And this will make you sick in the head. Sooooo guess what I did, I stopped reaching out.

I’ve realized some things through disconnection. I’ve realized alot actually. I learned how negative social media really can be unless you are at a high point in life. For people experiencing lows, consumption of the sorts can really make you feel horrible. I can’t even try to explain it to those who don’t understand because I write this for me and the people who do. After going through something so difficult in my life it makes it so hard for me to go back onto social media because I do not was to feed the consumption. I just don’t want to be apart of it. And I’m not about to get on that shit to make money. I just don’t find it necessary right now in my life and at this rate… I don’t know if I ever will again.

I’ve also realized through disconnection is that DAMN the people who you think are your ride or dies may not actually be. Because to me ride or die doesn’t mean they are just there when things are convenient. This was a hard pill for me to swallow. But let me contradict myself for a second. I have also learned when it comes to friendships and life changing situations that we are all living our own lives. We all have stuff we are going through and people just might not think of you everyday. Not everyone is a ride or die so stop calling them that. Your best friends may just be your friends, people who you hangout with when you want to have fun and not much more than that. We don’t have to hate people who we love so much because we thought they would show up for us even when we didn’t ask for it and it wasn’t just convenient for them. You can still love them and hangout with them, just stop giving people such high ranked titles. They don’t deserve it.

It is just crazy, life is so cool. At the most challenging time of my life I would always result back to the idea that life is SO cool. Sometimes I disconnect myself from myself. I do this by seeing everything as an experience, reading my own book. I read my own book. There just seems to be so much value in taking steps back before thinking so deeply about stuff. I believe the media and our world today has us searching for too much meaning instead of experiencing more where the meaning comes naturally. We live in a society that tells us instead of shows us. I don’t really know what this was and I’m not even going to reread it over once. I’m just going to hope this gave someone going through a hard time a little sigh of relief. You are killing it. Your life isn’t boring. And don’t feel guilty being selfish in order to take care of yourself. You don’t need to text people back or keep your followers up to date on your pain. Most people act like they give a fuck when they really don’t. Protect your energy even more when life gets hard. Love you.