Tuesday, October 14th

I am finding myself in a slump. Not a slump where I feel lazy but a slump in which I cannot get over the thought of feeling unsatisfied. Right now it feels like no matter how many daily tasks I accomplish I feel unsatisfied.

This is hard because I find myself looking forward instead of in the present. Looking for the next task to accomplish hoping it satisfies me. But none of them do. I am constantly decluttering my life hoping to feel clearer so I can enjoy living more. I love living but there is something inside me just itching.

I recently just had a conversation with a mentor who listened to my struggle of always looking towards the next thing. I did most of the talking but I ended up coming to a conclusion…

I started by talking about what my struggle feels like and I described it as the urge to want more when I have already done so much. I am not lazy and I have accomplished a lot for my age. But, I want more. I then discussed how I need to celebrate life more. I have not attended many social events lately and maybe that is what I am missing.

Then, I mentioned how I want to be satisfied with where I am at now knowing I will accomplish more one day. But this is so hard for me to do. I know I am young and I have so much time left, but what if I don’t? Thinking like this allowed me to realize maybe I am not giving care to everything I love everyday? Maybe I am not doing all I can to feel satisfied myself?

It is not always about accomplishing day to day tasks, but maybe the ones that create longevity.

I feel satisfied when I contribute to my purpose.

I feel satisfied when I write about my feelings and share them hoping they can help someone else discover something about their own life.

I feel satisfied when I plant seeds in people

I feel satisfied when I contribute to help giving other people better quality of life.

I am able to be my best self when I can help others, I genuinely believe it is my life’s purpose to give people a better chance at life.

I see myself and all I have. I am so grateful for what I have. I feel myself seeking more and sometimes I forget there are people out there who just are searching for a better chance at life. Not only that, but there are people who cannot even speak for themselves and do not even know they need a better chance at life.

This is why I become so intrigued in helping to build the futures of infants and young children who need a voice.

It is so cool how we all come from such different backgrounds. It is so intriguing how we all discover what works best for us may not work best for someone else. And it is so true. We learn how our parents and upbringing is so important.

And recently, I have learned a little bit more about how I function.

I do give myself grace but I do not thrive off grace. When I am going through something hard I am able to find grace for myself, but nothing drives me like my purpose. I almost cannot take a break from it and when I do I feel it. It affects my mood and I just cannot find peace in anything else like I do helping others.

Some days I wish I could be satisfied working a job to make money and provide for my family. While that is a goal, 90% of my career is fueled by making a difference.

Most days I am so grateful for this.

I realized to feel good in this life I must give time towards my purpose almost daily.

I hope one day my purpose really does help to give people better chances at life.